You Are Not Your Emotions

Feelings are guests. Don’t let them rearrange the furniture.

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:00

Hey now, hey now. This is what dreams are made of. Welcome back to Who's Gonna Tell Her The Conversations We Avoid. Said out loud, yes, I do have a glass of champagne in my hand because it's a celebration today. Clap, clap, bravo. Um today's episode is for the girls who say, That's just how I am. After losing their mind, because no, that's your nervous system.

SPEAKER_01 0:36

Right. And before you turn this off, we're not shaming feelings. We are celebrating them.

SPEAKER_00 0:45

You're not your emotions, girl. You're not. You've got to snap out of this wretched way of thinking. We love feelings.

SPEAKER_01 0:51

We're separating though feelings from behavior, right? There's a difference. One is human and the other is a choice. A choice. Yeah. Sometimes a very loud choice. Um reacting, I think, tends to be fast. Right? Loud and fast. You're telling me. Right. So isn't it? It's good.

SPEAKER_00 1:16

I mean, would you know you haven't taken a sip?

SPEAKER_01 1:24

Babe, I'm not giving you alcohol before what the fuck? Okay.

SPEAKER_00 1:31

I'm on a tone voice. We're serious. Okay.

SPEAKER_01 1:34

Okay, so reacting is fast. Um it's it's automatic. It it can be loud, right? Yeah. Uh it's your body more violently quickly. Right. Right. It can. Yeah. It can. That's a real thing.

SPEAKER_02 1:47

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 1:48

I think it's our bodies deciding um that something is a threat before the logic has had a chance to clock in. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 1:58

Your brain said danger. And you said bet. Now you're typing like a three-paragraph text because he said okay with one Y instead of okay with three Y's. Um, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 2:16

And that's your survival, your survivor brain. Um just kind of running the show, really. Like when you're sitting there going like that, you know, and and typing your little text, you know, thumbs are going crazy. Crazy. I do think that it doesn't care about context. It gives a fuck about what is on that text. What is really going on, it's all about survival. It's how can we get, how can we get out of this? It's that flight or fight. Yep, yep, fight or fight.

SPEAKER_00 2:46

Yep, for sure. And uh a slightly different tone suddenly feels like I don't know, like abandonment, you know, like it feels like if you are not reactive or if you're not aggressive, you're not like honoring how you feel. And that is such a like a mind fuck, and it's such a like a trick that our our brain plays on us. Right. Because it's like, oh, if I don't get this off exactly how I'm feeling, like, you know, they've won, or you know, right, I'm I'm suddenly like the loser here, you know.

SPEAKER_01 3:21

And then you start sending a paragraph text instead of a simple one-liner. That that's how you end up there. And I think you know what?

SPEAKER_00 3:30

I yeah, I feel like I'm just like okay. Yeah, and not the full okay, like the O and the K. That's how I respond nowadays, right?

SPEAKER_01 3:39

And that's shutting down completely, you know what I'm saying? Because silence at that point just feels safer than the escalation that that uh text would be. So I definitely think, yeah, I'm either or because I'm a reactor, you know what I'm saying? Like I've gotten better, but I am it's either, and I could be like mid mid book, you know, and be like, fuck this shit. Oh H. Oh.

SPEAKER_00 4:09

Oh, right, period, and sometimes it helps.

SPEAKER_01 4:13

No, no, dot dot dot.

SPEAKER_00 4:15

No, oh no, that was in me backspacing.

SPEAKER_01 4:17

Okay, okay, okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, no, oh, h period.

SPEAKER_00 4:22

Period. And sometimes it feels good to type it out and like read it, and then I've had those moments where I'm like, okay, girl, you're you got it off, like now let's delete, delete.

SPEAKER_01 4:32

Like have you had mid paragraph and like driving or something like that, and you're like, you put it down for a second and you get it back up and you don't have the same thing.

SPEAKER_00 4:42

Yes, and yeah, like that's what I'm saying. Sometimes shit, fuck yes, bitch, fuck oh. Oh, yeah, okay. Um, why do we react so fast? Um, let's be real. I mean, I think a lot of women are hyper-aware. I think we're just sometimes most of the time naturally wired that way. And I think we've been reading rooms since we were little girls, and like the tone shifts, the the facial expressions, the the energy changes, you know. Um, for me, I am an obsessive overthinker. Like, I I won't tell you. You don't got to.

SPEAKER_01 5:25

I I won't, yeah, like you'd be calling like, I just want to um check in on that, you know, on when you said so and so. I was like, this bitch has been thinking about this shit for 48 hours.

SPEAKER_00 5:37

Yes, like it was one thing, and it's not my best personality trait, but it also makes me very aware of how other people's you know perceptions of me could be. And I'm oh I'm also very like, hey, how did that make you feel? Or like I'm I can clock something probably before you ever will. Um you thought about it, because I've thought about it and over, but but over and over and over. But the thing is too, and and I kind of had an epiphany the other day with this because I was like, why am I such an avid overthinker? Right. Um and to my point, to what I just said, I think that we have been not everybody, but me, I'll speak for myself. I think I've always had to guess how other people have felt about me. And I'm not saying that my family didn't love me, I'm not saying none of those things, but um when you are in uh black and brown families growing up, like a lot of parents didn't say, Hey, I love you, or hey, I'm sorry, or hey, like they didn't really express how they felt. And so you're looking for those signs, you're looking for those energy shifts, those those tonality changes, you're looking for that confirmation of like, hey, like, I know how you feel about me, you love me, you you know, um, because it just wasn't something that our parents and like our grandparents did, and like, you know, I I'll speak for myself. Like, so what you're saying is like you're over you're searching for reassurance, yeah. And like you're always guessing and like kind of overanalyzing because you're not getting that verbal confirmation. And so I've grown up to be this overthinker who like I analyzed every single thing, like everything. Like you could make a facial expression, and I'm like, I caught that. What was that? What was she thinking about? What was she like you know tonight? Yeah, you know that that that tip of that that white lady doing the that she's like doing the math, and the Pythagorean theorem is popping up, and she's just like, you know, that's me in my mind, but I've learned how to like do it and multitask, and like I can do it in converse, yeah. Like I've learned to like function while doing it. Um, so yeah, it's like this hyper awareness that I think plays into being super reactive a lot of the time.

SPEAKER_01 8:15

I do think so. I think that the hyper awareness can definitely turn into what you're like a hyperactivity, yeah. You know, and when you grow up having to scan for safety, yes, your nervous system learns to move fast and then basically like ask questions later, which is you know, which is exactly what I said. You're going, you're multitasking. So now you've reacted to basically like a perceived danger, but it's not actual danger, it creates like an anxiety, yeah, for sure.

SPEAKER_00 8:49

Yeah, 1000%. Um, which is why, like five minutes later, right? You're like, wait, was it even that serious? Do I need to send a three-paragraph intro body conclusion text to make my point? No, nine times out of ten, give it five minutes, girl. Because that's really all it's gonna take. But and and now you're there is this embarrassment that comes with being reactive.

SPEAKER_01 9:20

And then you have to explain yourself if you're mature enough, like to even recognize it, right?

SPEAKER_00 9:24

You're like you're still kind of standing on it, but you're like, but you did this, you made and and here's the thing too, it's like you, I'm always like, you made me react this way. When in reality, no girl, nobody no, I used to do that so bad. I I'm so bad.

SPEAKER_01 9:41

Like, I like I I kind of play it back. I'm like, you did this, did that, did that, and I assumed or I took it, or the way that I heard it, you know. You know, like I'll never be like you did, but I won't be like I did. I'll be like, well, when you said that, I took it as. And I was like, and whatever, but let me give you a chance to not say your piece.

SPEAKER_00 10:05

Um me give you a chance to denounce what you no. I used to be like, oh, you rolled your eyes at me. Um, I'm about to put 20 on 10. And because you rolled your eyes at me, now I feel like I'm allowed to react the way that I want to react. Because I'm responding to something that you did. So I felt like I had this like justification to do whatever it is that I wanted to do. I used to turn up, girl. I honestly I don't know how my husband married me. I really don't. Because I I have I have thrown things, I have like it's just been uh completely unacceptable. But I had that mindset. I was like, oh, because you talked to me this way or you said this or you like I'm allowed to turn up now.

SPEAKER_01 10:54

And I, you know, I I completely resonate, like that resonates with me because I remember growing up, it was like we always got taught once you don't do it first. But it was like this this I ain't gonna start it, but I'm gonna finish this. Right. It was this past that I was like, oh, you started. Like so I I am gonna finish it. And I always had this thing, okay. I don't care how the fight started, I'm ending it, and I don't care how I ended. Yeah, it could get dirty as you want to get, or you know, it could it could be as subtle as but once you lit me up, that was it. And I do feel like, see, once you said the whole rolling eyes thing, I was like, uh, yeah. Like I don't know. Yeah, no, but I'm like, yeah, even today, like, even like it's like, oh, you like it's hard. I have to pull myself back. Um, and you know, you don't want to get embarrassed fighting at our big ass age, you know? Yeah, like with that. No, so I think that the best thing for me has been learning how to pause. Yeah, no, for sure. Like that red light thing, you know, responding does require a pause. I think that helps a lot. And the pause feels unnatural when everything inside of you is saying go, you know what I'm saying? Um, but because especially if chaos was minimal, you know.

SPEAKER_00 12:08

Yeah, I was about to say, like if you're used to that, which I was in a situation where I was used to that before I met my husband. Like, you know, so it's like, oh, we're we're these is fighting words.

SPEAKER_01 12:22

And why is that? And it's because like chaos, yeah, in chaos, speed equals protection. Like basically, like you have to hit back faster.

SPEAKER_00 12:30

Yeah, because it's it feels it almost feels like it's happening fast to you. And there's some sort of control that comes with that too, with having the last word, with with reacting, with being the one to finish it. You know, it's like, oh yeah, I have control of this now. Like I am the captain now.

SPEAKER_01 12:48

Um, you know, like you said though, it's almost like okay, something happened, you're the first to strike, like you're the you reacted fast, like you were able to do it. And slowing down feels like losing. Slowing down thinking feels like like letting something go.

SPEAKER_00 13:02

Like but there's so much power in that. There's so much power in that. I think responding is slower and most of the time annoying. But it's it's responding is when your pre-frontal cortex joins the chat. Now, if you don't know what that is, Google it. Um, and you should. It's a part of your own brain. Um the logic, the perspective, the the self-control.

SPEAKER_01 13:31

Um and that is the difference, right? That's the difference between like yelling, like, you never listen to me. Um, and then compare it to, well, when that happened, I felt XYZ, dismissed, unheard, disrespected. The first one basically escalates and the other one clarifies. Yeah. You know what I'm saying? So it's that pause as hard as it feels like an L immediately. Yes. Because you're like going against instinct. You're like, I'm, you know, I feel like this, and you're and you're never gonna feel guilty when responding to somebody.

SPEAKER_00 14:10

I think you will always feel guilty when you are in a reactionary state. Right. Because that's not even, you weren't even moving out of logic. You were you were moving off of emotions, and your emotions are almost never facts. Um, I think that again, yeah, one escalates, one clarifies. I also think one gets screenshotted and one gets resolved, you know? Um it there is this embarrassment factor with reacting and responding is is the much more mature way to go, and you're almost never gonna regret it.

SPEAKER_01 14:52

And I think that the part that is uncomfortable about the whole thing is that your emotions are valid. Like your emotions are valid, and just because though they are valid, uh doesn't mean that your reaction is. And it's like it's really hard for us. Like, I don't know, I wasn't taught like you just because you you know that's an emotion, like you feel like this. I wasn't either. Yeah, it's like I watched, yeah, you know, oh, I had you know, I got brought up with a lot of women. Like my mom is one of four sisters, and I I I see firsthand like them just you know, reacting to emotion.

SPEAKER_00 15:31

And our parents always told us, like, oh, if if they hit you in school, you hit back, or you like reactions, you react, you're learning. You know, when in reality they should have told us, like, you know, if you get hit in school, like tell somebody, like, still hit me.

SPEAKER_01 15:48

I'm not telling not my child, no, if you hit my child, my child's gonna hit you back.

SPEAKER_00 15:52

No, for sure, for sure. But like there even there's even something within that advice that's just like, yeah, let's lean towards being reactionary.

SPEAKER_01 16:00

But versus that, if you get hit and then you hit back, and then there's what if somebody calls you out your name? Or somebody says something that hurts your feelings. Yeah, that's different. That's different. But we didn't get taught how to hit them. No, we didn't get taught that. So in my mind, I was like, Well, do I wait then for them to hit me to hit them? Because I want to hit them. Because I want to hit well, what do I do? You know, like so that that that's that that's one of the things that I don't think we we kind of got taught growing up, especially, you know, like from the generation before us.

SPEAKER_00 16:34

And you are responsible for your own uh emotions, you're responsible for your own feelings, you're responsible for the way that you respond to things. Like you could cuss me out, and it's I have the power now to dec decide what I want to do. Like, am I going to react or am I going to respond? Right. And it has nothing to do with you. You know, like it is an internal decision for me. And I think just because you feel angry doesn't mean you get to detonate.

SPEAKER_01 17:06

You know, like and that's that's crazy because like just going back to what we said, feelings feelings are emotion, are information, right? Our emotions are information for us, right?

SPEAKER_00 17:21

Yes, and oof, I felt that in my chance. Yes, yes, that is so true.

SPEAKER_01 17:25

When you look at it that way, yeah, when you look at it that way, it's easier not to detonate or to go go off, you know. They're not instructions, like, oh, you feel this way, hit them. You know what I'm saying? Like, like if you get hit, hit back. Okay, I guess I got it. But like, what if you feel a kind of way? Like, if you look at it as information, your entire perspective changes. Yes, completely.

SPEAKER_00 17:51

There's a shift for sure.

SPEAKER_01 17:53

For sure. So I think I I I think that's important to look at it. Like, can't we can teach our kids now? This is something that could have been taught to us. Like, hey, when you when you get that, it's information. I'm actually actually I'm actually going to go home and you know what I'm saying, do that as well. Like, because I I have been following suit. I'm like, if you get hit, you hit back.

SPEAKER_00 18:18

And I think there is some sense that is being made when our parents told us that, but there's no like underlying context. And I feel like you have to provide like the context. Like, you have to, I think you have to provide like different scenarios. I I do think if you get hit, you do need to hit back. You do need to because at that point, it's a lot of stuff. It's so layered. It's so layered, you know. It's at that point to me, it's self-defense. Maybe I'm hitting you.

SPEAKER_01 18:45

Because I'm dealing with this right now, it's sincere. Like, I'm I'm literally like with my oldest son. I'm literally it's at the point now where I'm like, all right, you're about to go to middle school. So if you don't hit back, if you don't, like if you don't at least show that you're not afraid, yeah. Do you you know, does that put you in a place where you're vulnerable or that people think that they can you know overstep and and do something? Whereas there's that whole piece about the feelings and about like how do you feel when that happens, like even scared, even intimidated when somebody like that's information. And I think that you can feel hurt, you can feel scared without attacking. Yeah, like I definitely do like that's the message, you know, like and it's not just attacking physically, it's also popping off, or you know, like use that as information for yourself before you start, you know, feeling anxious, even you know, without accusing anybody of what's going off on. So you can feel triggered, I think, without assigning an intention to it. Yeah, I think that's very possible. Yeah, yeah, and something that we need to learn.

SPEAKER_00 19:54

And that's growth. I think I think you said something you can feel triggered. Um, but I felt triggered is not the same as like, oh, you know, you did this to hurt me on purpose. Right. You know, I think those are two very different things. Correct. Um, and I think when we are feeling these big emotions where we do want to react, we really have to step outside of ourselves and we almost have to like analyze, like, okay, I'm feeling this. Why am I feeling this? Right. You know, and I think the time that you take to even do that work and analyze, by the time you're done, you're probably not even gonna be as upset. Or you're probably gonna come down. You're not, and you're gonna be like, yeah, almost every time. You know, there's been times where people have pissed me clean off. And I've had to like, all right, I'm gonna go to the bathroom, I'm gonna take five minutes, I'm going to, you know, take a breather. Breathing is a godsend when it comes to this.

SPEAKER_01 20:55

My husband always focused on your breathing. Yes. He always says, like, you can always take your peace back.

SPEAKER_00 21:02

Yes.

SPEAKER_01 21:02

Like, take like take your peace. A breath is your peace. Like, you know, and it it literally has saved me. And it's not even like you know what it's like saved me, like not saved them. Yeah, like it just saved me the the it's like when you were growing up and people would be like, if you mad, it's only you that's hurting. You know what I'm saying? Like it's not them, you're the only one suffering. Like, it's it's that, you know, like because we can get triggered, especially in today's society, yeah, so easily all the time. It's it's just like exhausting. Very exhausting. And there's this thing that you gotta let go where, again, I think it's perspective. You're not taking L's left and right, you're not like a doormat. It's not that. It's like you choose, you get to choose what you respond to and how important it is.

SPEAKER_00 21:53

Yes, and that is how you take your power back. Correct. And when I respond and I pause and I Don't cuss your ass out the way that I want to or the way that I intended and planned to in my mind. Right. You are the one that's looking stupid because you are the one that reacted. You are the one that acted out of character, not me. And I think that's how you take your power back in any situation that's of conflict or of escalation. I agree. I think we sometimes also attach identity to emotion. I think sometimes we say, again, that's just how I am, because I it protects us from accountability when you say that. I actually hate when people say that. Oh, that's just how I am. No, bitch. I'm not accepting that. That's not how you are. I agree.

SPEAKER_01 22:44

I feel like if this is your personality, you don't have to examine it.

SPEAKER_00 22:48

Yeah.

unknown 22:50

You don't have to.

SPEAKER_00 22:52

One time for V, because she's really on the money today. I think if you are just fiery and you're just like a spicy personality, then like no one can hold you accountable. You're you're just spicy and and and that's okay. But you have to stop telling people that that's just how you are. Like that's not that's actually not how you are. That that's how you are choosing to be.

SPEAKER_01 23:21

I agree. And I think that as we mature and with growth, we we realize like you are the observer, right, of your emotions. You're not hostage to your emotions, right?

SPEAKER_00 23:32

Yeah, yeah. Um, I think that your anger is it's not your brand.

SPEAKER_01 23:41

It's not you, yeah. I know. I hate and I hate the rap that we get, like, especially women. Especially women. It's like we fall victim, like we just fall right into it. It's like so such an easy picking, you know, like oh, here she goes, she's angry. Especially, you know, like especially ethnic women, you know, it's like, oh, here here they're angry, you know. Like there she goes being angry again, or there she goes, yep. It's like the stereotype that yeah, right. It's so it's such easy pickings. And it's it's really like it's it's just kind of growth. Because again, we weren't taught this growing up. We were just like, you don't let anybody take advantage of you, you don't let things like that slide. Yeah, like react, react, react, react, react. That was protection, that was safety. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.

SPEAKER_00 24:24

Yeah, it's this like self-protection, um, you know, just very defense mechanism strategy that we were taught very early on. And like your anxiety is also not your intuition, you know, your sadness is not your personality trait. Like, none of these things are who you actually are. So stop attaching them to your identity, they're just feelings, right?

SPEAKER_01 24:47

And it's like, again, I think in the the previous generations with the whole react, react, react thing with your emotions and your feelings. I also feel like there was this like this feelings meant vulnerability. Feelings, emotions meant vulnerability. Don't show them you're weak. Don't show them, you know. It was this thing that was happening. And um we fear our I think we I grew up fearing my own emotions. Oh, for sure, you know? For sure, and not being more uh fluid with them, like emotions uh run through you. It's like it's yeah, rather not the lack of emotion is a thing. You know, too much emotion, whatever is a thing. But they whatever it is, however they they show up, they are running through you. They are not who you are. There's nothing to be fearful of.

SPEAKER_00 25:42

Yeah, there is no they're not, it's not anger is not a personality trait. Correct. Like it's just not, you know, so we have to kind of shift our minds and rewire these patterns that we've that have been uh really embedded in us from from very early on, like we're just speaking about, like just like childhood and just like the things that our parents taught us. Like how can how can we go right about even I think rewiring this pattern?

SPEAKER_01 26:15

I think it's it it just goes back to like very basic, like it's the pause. Breathing. I think breathing, like we underestimate breath so much, it's so like it's what gives us life, it's what runs through us, it's so powerful and yes, so subtle and so underestimated. It's the pause. The pause is absolutely everything. Um it's it's and people say it in different ways. I take a step away, step away, step away. But if you get into this thing where you just really get in tune with your breath, and I I mean pick up breath work, pick up anything, just even if it's one class, and just kind of hold that with you when you find that you are getting overstimulated or this is coming about. Even if it's for five seconds, even it just a pause. Yeah, really, um, you just take a deep breath back and you are taking back your piece. Um I think it's that little step, you you are choosing regulation over reacting ultimately for sure, for sure.

SPEAKER_00 27:21

Even if it's 30 seconds, honestly, like if anybody were to ask me, I used to be so so reactive. Oh my god, I would let nothing slide. No, nothing, nothing would get past me without me addressing it or without me. Oh, you rolled your eyes at me. Girl, do we have a problem? Are you okay? You know? You know what's crazy, but still kind of doesn't say you know what's good, but I'm like nice though, instead of like instead of yes, I think I've kind of funneled that into sarcasm. But I do that is me addressing it just at a little dial. Yes.

SPEAKER_01 28:00

Like yes, we're at a one very, very dialed down. Instead of like, oh my shit, do we have a problem?

SPEAKER_00 28:06

But there are some times where some things do happen, and I just like I'm like, okay, I'm not gonna say nothing, I'm gonna just let it slide. Um I'm not today, you know.

SPEAKER_01 28:13

Um but do we ever let it slide?

SPEAKER_00 28:15

I definitely think I sometimes let it slide.

SPEAKER_01 28:18

I think I do, but I think it's like it's it just it's sitting in the back row.

SPEAKER_00 28:23

Yeah, I mean I'm waiting. I'm like, I mean, was that never was that a glitch? It's never not no, it's never not noted. Right?

SPEAKER_01 28:30

Yeah, like are you do you need a tissue? Did you hear me say hello?

SPEAKER_00 28:34

Are you okay? Yeah. Do you have Alzheimer's? Because you lost your motherfucking place. You done for that. Okay, like, and I think it to be serious. I think it at first it's gonna feel like swallowing your words, because to this day it still feels like that to me. But you're actually choosing your words, you know. Like you said, you are choosing regulation over reaction, and responding doesn't make you weak. And I want to really emphasize that because that was something I really struggles with. Like, if I'm not reacting, you are going to think that I'm weak and you're going to keep doing it to me time and time and time again. And I am not a sucker, yeah. Like I'm not a sucker, like this stops right now. You know, you need to understand like who you're playing with, and you're not gonna be playing with me. Yeah, um, I'm not the one, and I'm also not the two, right? Three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten. Yeah, okay. Um, but regulated women are dangerous. I agree. Okay, calm, clear, not easily baited. When I'm regulated, I will read you down. I will read you down. I know, like my words are together. My words are I'm articulate, I'm intellectually insulting you. You know? And maybe that's not the best plan of action here. But when you're regulated, you can do anything. I agree. You can do anything, you're not easily manipulated, and and it's giving grown women energy. Like, let's have an actual conversation about this instead of cussing each other out and saying, bitch, this, you're you're bitch that, you're like, Yes. It's no, none of that is needed.

SPEAKER_01 30:18

And it's it's literally so short-lived. Like it's it's so short-lived. You still gotta, you, you, you still gotta come to a like a position of neutral. Yeah, you still gotta come down.

SPEAKER_00 30:31

Yeah, and I think if you can have a conversation and not be reactionary, it shows your level of emotional intelligence. I'm not trying to have a conversation with somebody who's not emotionally intelligent. Call me snobby, call me socially, like whatever you want to say about me. But babe, your emotional intelligence is showing, and I love it. I love it. Because if you can only succumb to cussing me out, and first of all, I know your vocabulary limitations are low. That's what I'm going to gather off of that, okay? Second off, you have no emotional intelligence, you can't have a simple mature conversation without reacting. You've got some growing to do. Not me. Not I. Because I can talk to you, I can sit across the table and we can have a conversation after you just lashed out and did and said whatever you wanted to say. I'm not gonna give you that energy, babe. You know why? You know why? Because you're not reactionary. Because I'm trying to react. I'm not reactionary. And I'm not reactionary. So get it together. Yes. I will give you a moment. If you want to consult Webster's dictionary for a couple of filler words, you go ahead and do them. I'll give you your time. Do I need that time? No, I don't. No, I don't because my prefrontal cortex is developed. She's in full bloom, she's thriving. Now clock that tea, ma'am.

SPEAKER_01 32:11

Not you reading me on my own.

SPEAKER_00 32:17

I'm like, is there some unresolved?

SPEAKER_01 32:21

The whole time they're talking, I was like, don't react. This whole thing's about reacting. Take a pause, take a pause. What the fuck is a reactionary?

SPEAKER_00 32:27

Right. That's exactly how I would, yeah, that's that's exactly how I would react. I would take five minutes first, but I'm coming back to the table and I'm giving it to you just like that.

SPEAKER_01 32:37

Yeah, and I've seen it. Like I I can vouch for you. Thank you. I can vouch for you for sure. But no, okay. So just to close, right?

SPEAKER_00 32:48

Um, you are not your emotions. Please remember that. If you took nothing away from today, right.

SPEAKER_01 32:56

And then the next time um you hear somebody say reactive or reactionary. And you feel the noise.

SPEAKER_00 33:07

Oh, and I get so hot when I'm mad. I'm like, oh, I could just feel the I kinda am now.

SPEAKER_01 33:14

You know, no, but honestly, um, what you do is you take a pause. Like you take a pause and then you get gather yourself together. Yes, and you come back. You come back, you come back, you come back, you know. You're allowed to feel it. I I think that that's I think honest to God, I think that that's the the big key takeaway. Like, we can't be afraid to feel it. And I think that for me, for me, I forget to feel it. I just react. And I think that there is no growth if I'm not feeling it.

SPEAKER_00 33:47

Yeah, you've gotta sit with it. You know what I'm saying? Like, what is that?

SPEAKER_01 33:50

You've got to sit with it. And I'm not joking, I mean, like, I know we're joking and things like that, but on a serious note, it's not about like the oh uh, like it's the real feelings, like yeah, you know what I'm saying? Like, I I don't even give my chance myself a chance to feel it, like I don't give myself to a chance to sit in that discomfort, and that that's like a whole nother thing. But take a pause, allow your nervous system to re-regulate and identify how you're feeling.

SPEAKER_00 34:18

Just don't let your emotions run the show, right? You know, don't let your emotions run the meeting, you know. Um, you've got to you're stronger than that, yeah. You're stronger than that, you've got to get a hold of that, you know. Right. So who's gonna tell her? You're not your emotions, girl. You're the one that's deciding what to do with them. So act accordingly. I'm so disappointed in you. No, I'm not. No, I'm not. No, I'm not. We're not disappointed, we're not, but if you keep reacting, yes, we are. You know, you guys can do it.

SPEAKER_01 34:54

I believe you react when it's necessary.

SPEAKER_00 34:57

If somebody punches you in the face, go crazy.

SPEAKER_01 35:01

Honestly, I think about everything that you could possibly react to. Like, say you come home to your man and he's you know, she's gonna be able to do it. I feel like I have something to I feel like like instinctively you want to burn the house down and kill everyone in it, right?

SPEAKER_00 35:15

But especially if like the girl is there in your house, in your room. Like, is it not okay to grab her by her wig?

SPEAKER_01 35:22

But like, wouldn't it be better to just take a pause? Don't go to jail, keep your house taken for everything he's like, you know what I'm saying?

SPEAKER_00 35:30

Like gamble everything on the line for that. I don't know. Okay, we've clearly got work to do and growth to do, so we're right there with you guys.

SPEAKER_01 35:39

So it's it ain't easy, it ain't easy, it ain't easy, but you're not your emotions, girl.

SPEAKER_00 35:44

Good luck, and we'll catch you guys next week.